Obsessed with the Science of Empowerment
In the past 15 years I have been obsessed with understanding the nuts and bolts of what empowered me. For most of my life I was plagued with crippling self doubt and self loathing. I struggled with food addiction, depression and entered dangerously toxic relationships that were hard for me to leave, further sending me down into self berating despair, almost tipping me into suicide.
A Spark of Curiosity Was Lit
In the beginning of my journey to empowerment, on the heels of a toxic relationship, the practice of a morning meditation was introduced to me in college and I discovered that starting my day with that same activity made a huge difference in putting the brakes on my downward spiral behavior. Beginning my day with that meditation centered me into what I like to call an “Out of the Trenches” mental state that would follow me into my day. I felt I had stumbled upon a secret goldmine. I began to wonder what else I could fit into my mornings to optimize this newfound inner spaciousness and good feeling.
Being My Own Detective
Although that meditation wasn’t a complete fit for me, it began a 15 year journey of being an ardent detective for what was. In my exploring, I’d zealously try out a variety of different life enhancement habits suggested in the self-help books I devoured. Among them: various journal writing techniques, meditations, visualizations, vision boards, breathing techniques, exercise workouts, health remedies, yoga practices, diet plans, supplements, goal setting techniques etc.
When something peaked my interest I’d give it my earnest try every morning for 6 months at a time. In sifting through those practices I found the ones that fit my lifestyle, season in life and goals best. Depending on the end result I wanted to create in myself as a person, I would focus on the practices that honed in on that. The practices that brought out in me the desired quality the best, in the least amount of time were the ones I would settle on.
Teasers Bite The Dust
I focused on bringing out qualities in me rather than trying to accomplish an obvious, visible outcome in my life like say, run a marathon, because I had experienced the short term joy of completing a long term goal early on that got me much applause by those around me. As a 11 year old, 5 foot five, 22 pant size young girl, I was obese and picked on quite a lot. I set out to lose the weight by committing every day after school, for a year to do a Jane Fonda tape I found. I lost the weight and my mean classmates bit the dust in amazement. My teachers and family showered me with praise for my great feat.
My Deeper Why’s
The sweetness of that victory though was fleeting and left me bereft in confusion. I thought losing the weight would bring on this permanent state of “I have arrived” and life would be way easier forever more. Surprise! I was still riddled with anxiety and if anything, blossoming into my curves as a tween left me feeling unwillingly exposed to the sometimes inappropriate attention I’d get from boys and men alike. I realized later in high school I wanted to be deeply happy and my body mirroring the fashion magazine standards was not working to that end.
Real and Permanent Change From the Inside
I set out to change myself from the inside and felt like I was stumbling in the dark for a long time. My college years introduced me to the importance of starting my days with meditation and that became a guidepost for me. For many years I wanted to feel stronger so I lifted weights. I also wanted to empty my chaotic thoughts so I wrote stream of consciousness pages every morning for years. I wanted to cleanse my body but did not have the discipline to complete the fasts I attempted correctly, making myself very sick. Instead I integrated a habit of quickly drinking a 1.5 liter of water first thing in the morning every day and figured that would be my gradual, long term, ongoing, gentle cleanse. I sifted through activities as I found them to be helpful to me, fitting them into my mornings, waking up a little earlier with each additional activity.
My life began to gradually and surely transform for the better.
The Self Care Rotuine That’s Juuuust Right
Through trial and error for 15 years I found the activities that gave me that sweet spot experience regularly and that until recently I have come to call Power Routines. Every morning when I complete the selectively chosen morning activities, I find myself at the peak of my focus, clarity, lightness and joy. These are the results I was looking for as a seeking teen that were not dependent on who was in or out of my life, what job I held, my bank balance, my waist size etc. These feelings were guaranteed, rain or shine, as long as I took action on those activities.
What’s more, these feelings only became stronger the more I stuck to my chosen PR and they lingered with me for longer periods of time. If I had a challenging day I could look back and see how not long ago this same thing would of sent me into a tail spin of negativity for weeks and now it’s just a matter of minutes. My PR practice has reaffirmed for me time and time again that life will have its up and downs yet the practice is always a steadfast anchor of increasing goodness and focus.
It is from a place of clarity, focus and joy that I have been starting my days with for many years and am eager to share this process with anyone who would benefit. If I can help one person save time by sharing all I have discovered then this blog will have served it’s purpose.
What qualities would you like to have more of in your life? What small steps can you take to have more of that today?
Thank you for stopping by!